


If I Lose Myself

by curiousscientistkae (orphan_account)



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Glimmadora - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, cursing, ill add more stuff once i figure stuff out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-12 01:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19218460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/curiousscientistkae
Summary: Adora enjoys being She-ra. She loves bring a smile to people's faces and helping out anyone in need. Things are looking up after the Battle of Brightmoon and with starting a Revelations with Glimmer. However, strange things start to happen while she is She-ra. Things she can't explain. And it starts to worry her, feeling like she is losing her mind, as if someone else is trying to control her. As more time passes her anxiety only worsens. She tries to hide it from Glimmer and Bow as he struggles to figure out a hidden secret about She-ra.





	1. One Little Twitch

**Author's Note:**

> So I attempted to write this fic before and didn't so here is my 2nd attempt at it! Anyway, I am gonna try updating this is BULK. Meaning, im going to be posting 3 chapters rn and then next update will me probably 3 chapters. This will allow me to not feel as bad leaving yall hanging cause there is a lot more to read? Ya know idk I am bad with chapter fics so its my attempt to fix that. For those that don't know or remember its based off a random little theory. True or not I enjoyed the idea so here it is.
> 
> Anyway one key note here. I came up with this idea between season 1 and 2. Because of that, this fic will take place after season 1. Season 2 won't make an impact on the story at all. Maybe some mentions here are there of season 2 will be thrown in idk but yeah. Anyway enjoy I guess my second attempt at this? Last note should be I did queue these 3 up a while ago so there is a chance when I update again my writing might be slightly different? But no yeah just
> 
> Enjoy...

It is a bright, warm day in Brightmoon. The kingdom is still recovering from the attack that nearly left it decimated. Though, that hasn’t stopped anyone from enjoying themselves and celebrating that their castle still stands tall. All around the kingdom, people have their spirits up and help with the rebuilding and preparing for whatever the Horde will throw at them next. 

The Best Friend Trio are among those that help out. Between training, going on missions, and planning out their next move, the three friends have been aiding in the rebuilding. Glimmer oversees some of the work that goes on. Good for leadership skills and it is her castle after all. Angella oversees the rest and aids her daughter when needed. Adora and Bow, meanwhile, work with the construction workers for the most part. Slowly but surely, the castle returns to its former glory.

During one of the days where much of their focus is on helping rebuild, Glimmer appears out of the blue in a cloud of sparkles, a communicator in her hands. One of the workers jumps and shouts at the sudden appearance of the princess.

“Oh, sorry! Didn’t mean to spook ya,” Glimmer apologizes. She hops off the platform she stands on and walks up to Adora and Bow. “Mind if I steal them?”

“Go ahead,” the worker says, catching his breath. “Thanks for all the help.”

“Anytime!” Adora replies.

With that, Glimmer takes Adora’s hand and guides her away, Bow following closely behind.

“So what’s up, Glim?” Bow asks once some distance away. “Do we have another mission?’

“Yes we do actually!” Glimmer lets go of Adora. She fiddles with her device before flipping it around and showing the two a short video. The feed shows some Horde robots and soldiers just outside a village. They survey the land and are setting machines up, probably some that will destroy the homes of those living nearby. “Got some good ass-whooping to do. You guys ready to go?”

“Always ready. Been a bit since we last had to drive off a Horde set up,” Adora comments.

“I’m ready as well. Does your mother know about this, though?” Bow asks. He starts walking, heading to where their weapons are stored.  

“She knows that we are going to go out. It’ll be fine. I know she is still worried about what happened before but we will be alright, right? ‘Sides, seems easy enough.”

“She has a point there. We’ve driven them off before with no problem,” Adora says.

“Long as she is aware.” Bow comments.

Bow and Glimmer trail ahead while Adora lingers behind, looking at the duo. She keeps her gaze on the princess, however, watching her smile and laugh at whatever joke she is telling Bow. It has only been a short while but Adora can’t believe just how lucky she is to have her as her girlfriend.

Shortly after the Battle of Brightmoon, the two girls began to talk more. They have been close for a while and spent time together a lot and even slept together some nights. But after that battle, something changed. Adora always felt  _so_ _ mething  _ for the princess but didn’t know what that feeling was. But one night as the two talk in bed, Glimmer dressing the wounds, now scars, on Adora’s back and face, she was told what it was. Glimmer paused in her care and just looked at Adora’s injures. Adora grew worried and asked what was wrong.

Glimmer admitted how she was so worried and scared for Adora during that battle. Not to mention when she became infected and then the whole thing at the temple. The last one hurt the most, feeling so powerless to help. Before Adora could say anything else, Glimmer admitted she didn’t feel that way just because they were best friends but because she had started to fall in love with the warrior. It took some explaining what she meant but once Adora realized, she put two and two together in her own heart and said it back, saying she to loves her. She also made a point that she’d try not to worry Glimmer like that again. Adora also will never forget that first kiss that night, how warm, how comforting, how  _ right it _ felt.

Since that night, Adora has come to enjoy what it means to have a girlfriend. Cuddles, hugs, kisses, hand holding, and all that other fluffy perks that come with it. She can’t help but stare and watch whenever Glimmer takes charge and acts like a leader. She will make a great one one day. Now, she just looks at that infectious smile on her face. Nothing can ever go wrong when she is with her.

The three reach where they store their weapons, gather them up, and head off, following the map on Glimmer’s device. The map shows it will take about an hour to get there. Not too bad. Shorter than some of their other walks but makes for possibly most of the day being spent away from the castle. Hopefully getting rid of the Horde will go smoothly today. People still need some pick me ups.

As they walk, the trio talks about the plan of attack. They agree that talking to the villagers first is the best plan. Get more of an idea of what is going on, how long the Horde as been lurking around. After all, the video could only tell them so much. The more information the better. It also would bring the spirits up of everyone to see the leaders of the Rebellion as well as She-ra. Adora can’t wait to be able to mess around as She-ra again. She has been the warrior princess a few times since the attack. Most of it was minor and quick and easy things to do. Now she can show of some of her moves and loosen up a bit.

Finally, the three reach the village. They expected to see some sort of movement, something to show life inside the clearing. Yet there is nothing. The only thing that moves are the leaves from the trees, rustling from the wind. Meanwhile, the still houses have their shutters and doors locked tight.

Gingerly, Adora steps further into the area. “Hello?” No answer. “We aren’t with the Horde, we swear! We are with the Rebellion and here to help you. We are from Brightmoon.”

“Yeah! And we are here with She-ra! It’s okay to come out!” Glimmer shouts. This gets some attention. A few windows creek open and pairs of eyes look out curiously. Once they realize no harm is about to be brought to them, doors open. A few brave people come out and walk up to the three.

“You’re really here to get rid of the Horde?” a young teenage boy asks. “And you’re really She-ra?”

Adora smiles and reaches behind her. She pulls out her sword, shows it off to the young boy, before turning herself into the warrior princess. The teen’s, along with anyone else looking at her, eyes widen and Adora swears they start to sparkle.

“Can any of you tell us any information on the Horde? Anything at all will help us get rid of them much faster,” Bow informs the forming crowd.

Some people snap out of their trance of seeing their mythical hero and begin explaining their situation. The Horde has been lurking around for a while, scoping out the area and harassing anyone they can as they started to construct buildings and bring in machines and robots. Day by day it is getting worse. Everyone in the village is afraid to step even a toe outside. Adora, Bow, and Glimmer reassure everyone that they will take care of the Horde right away. That there will be no more need to worry and they will be live without fear soon. The villagers cheer and thank the trio for all the help. A few say that they will have a celebration for them when they free them of the Horde. Adora, however, quickly says that there is no need for it and they are just doing their job.

Once they can get the crowd to calm down and give them a path to walk on, they start to head off. But as they are leaving the village Adora hears something. Like a whisper. Someone saying something but not loud enough for her to make it out but still gets her attention. Maybe someone snuck up behind her but was too nervous to speak up.

She turns her head, looking behind her, but no one is near. Some villagers linger about the center of the area. A few see she has her gaze at them and smile and wave. Adora returns the gesture. Still, she wonders what she just heard.

“You okay, love?” a voice asks. Familiar and clear as day.

“Huh? Oh! I’m fine, Glim,” Adora replies, looking back at her girlfriend. “Just thought I heard something. One of those moments, you know?”

“I hate when that happens. It’s annoying. But if that’s it, c’mon. We got no time to waste!”

They return to their trek towards the forming Horde establishment. It does not take long to get there. The sounds of boots hitting the ground in unison and scraping of metal parts start to fill the air. As they draw near, the trio slows their steps and hid in the brush. Carefully, they peer around wherever they are hiding to get a view of the Horde.

Some robots and soldiers are lingering about, yet to notice the trio. Skeletons of buildings sit in newly cleared land. Perfect time to strike before they plant deep roots. Adora motions for Glimmer and Bow to spread out and around. The two take their positions and wait for the right moment to attack. When a Horde soldier draws near one of them, it happens to be Adora today, they make their move.

Adora reaches out in a flash, grabbing ahold of the soldier before flinging them away. Before anyone else can react, Bow shoots out a number of arrows. They fly through the air and make landfall in several bots. Glimmer, meanwhile, uses her teleportation powers to appear in front of another soldier, knock them out, before disappearing. The surprise attack worked.

The Horde scrambles to react to the threat. One by one, their robots are made inoperable or a member of their squad is render defenseless or unconscious. Some begin to grasp what is happening and start to fight back. They fire off their weapons or attempt a feeble counter strike with their fists. It is pointless. Adora, Bow, and Glimmer start to overpower the Horde. Many start to tuck their tails between their legs and run off. No bot stays standing for long. Adora might be getting a little cocky as she watches the Horde run away. Seeing and getting some action has been long overdue. Feels so nice to get the blood pumping again. But as she is occupied by disarming a small group, she fails to notice the soldier stalking behind her. They lift up the weapon in their arms, ready to strike Adora.

Everything that occurs next happens in a flash. The second after Adora finishes her fight, she snaps around without thinking, grabs the soldiers weapon, and swiftly knocks them unconscious. After another moment, Adora’s mind seems to finally catch back up with herself.

She blinks, confused. How the hell did she do that? She didn’t even know they were there. Did her body just sense it before she realized it? That is a thing right? Sometimes you just react to something without thinking. That’s it. Still, something sits uncomfortably in the back of her mind.

Whatever it might be are forgotten about when Glimmer tackle hugs Adora. “We did it! Another win under our belt! And did you see those guys running?” Glimmer looks up at Adora. “Hey, you okay?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. I’m just glad that we were able to help the villagers. Feels nice to do something more, you know?”

“Totally. C’mon! Let’s go back and tell them about it.”

Adora heads off with Glimmer and Bow, forgetting about what just happened.


	2. Strange Happenings

Morning light begins to fill Adora’s room. Like clockwork, once it hits her face, she is up and ready for the day. Adora never fails to wake up first thing in the morning, long before anyone else. As far back as she can recall, it has always been like this. The upside to being such an early bird is that you have more hours in the day to get things done. The downside, however, no one else is up and you find yourself alone until someone else crawls out of the comfort of their dreams and bed.

To stave off boredom, Adora picks up her sword and heads off to one of the courtyards in Brightmoon. She, Bow, and Glimmer have set up a training area to stay sharp there. Having something where they can practice together is great and it is much closer than the temple. Whenever Adora doesn’t want to walk all the way there, she heads off to the pseudo training area to burn some hours.

Adora whistles a small tune as she wanders down the halls. The song and her footsteps are the only sounds that echo through the hallways. She notices a few guards up, most of them looking like the rather be sleeping, watching nothing until she appears. Adora gives them a wave. A few smile at the sight. Might be a normal routine to see her passing around this early but at least it is something to start of their day on a happy note.

It does not take long to reach the courtyard. Adora quickly walks up to a set of training dummies. She and Bow worked together to set them up. They are programmed to fight back with whatever weapons they have in their hands, most of which are just hard pole like objects. Whatever Bow and Adora could find they gave them. Others have long ranged weapons such as bows. No matter what they have, however, the real test is how they are set up to attack. All have timers. You can set it to go off at a certain time or can be completely random. They can charge at you or fire their weapons or fake you out. Anything to keep you on your toes. Bow asked Adora if she could recall anything from what the Horde used to add into the programming. She happily told him everything she could remember. The training dummies do have many cheap shots into their attacks. Anything can happen.

Adora sets all the dummies to go off at random points. Once everything is set up she quickly runs off to the middle of the courtyard. She turns into She-ra. Then, she waits.

Moments pass without so much as a twitch. Adora holds her breath, waiting. Finally, one of the training dummies lunges forward without warning. Adora reacts quickly to attack. She jumps out of the way just as the dummy brings down it’s weapon, attempting to hit her on the head. Adora quickly spins around and strikes at it, knocking it offline.

There is no time for a breather. Two dummies kick to life. One fires its arrows while the other, like the first robot, charges at her. Adora deflects the arrows away from her before turning her attention to the other dummy. She hits it a bit too hard with her weapon, breaking the dummy in two. _Whoops...Still got to learn how to handle my own strength,_ Adora thinks to herself.

One by one, Adora takes down the dummies and knocks them offline. She makes a mental note to get Bow to help program them to have a higher difficulty. Still, some of them give her a bit of a challenge. They jerk out of the way just as she is about to hit them. However, Adora quickly recovers and knocks them out. Things are starting to wind down when one dummy decides to be a hassle. Whatever random programming it chooses to use makes it move around like crazy. Adora jumps around, doing her best not to be caught in its attack.

When Adora gets her footing after being pushed back, she attempts to disarm it. But before she can make a connection, it spins around so fast, it disappears in a dark blur. Adora hears it shuffle behind her, knowing it has a wide opening to attack her. She braces herself for the hit, thinking she has no time to react to the threat.

But like the day before, her body has a mind of its own. In a flash, she finds herself turned around, clutching the weapon in her hand. Before she can think about anything else or what is happening, she throws the dummy back with enough force to knock it out. Adora stays still, staring at the fallen dummy before looking down at her hand.

 _What the hell was that about?_ she wonders. Adora is well aware sometimes you body just does stuff without reason. A random twitch that makes you drop or flip something over or just a weird step and make your legs give out. But this feels...different. Adora can’t put her finger on it. It felt as if someone else decided for her what to do. She was already to take the hit but instead she didn’t. And what about yesterday? She had no idea the soldier was behind her, how did she defend herself.

Adora reverts back to her normal self, shaking the thought from her head. She is just thinking too hard. It’s nothing. Probably nothing. It has to be nothing. What else could it be? Her mind starts to think. Her first thought being somehow Shadow Weaver is messing with her. How, who knows, but that is the only other explanation she can think of.

_No, no. It’s not that. She is at the Fright Zone, far away. And you are here. Remember what Glimmer said to you to help you stop your mind going wild. Deep breaths. Just breathe. Breathe or find something to distract yourself._

Adora inhales, holding it in for a few seconds, before exhaling. She notices her hands shaking. Adora grabs one of her wrists to settle them somehow and begins to head back into the castle. A mental note is made to clean up later as she begins searching for anyone who could be awake and give her the distraction she needs.

Adora finds herself wandering around the castle for a short while, trying to outpace her thoughts, before she finally finds someone. Glimmer staggers around the corner of the hallway, yawning and stretching out her arms. Her dual purple colored hair is a mess, sticking up in all directions. Sleep rest in her lilac eyes as they meet with Adora’s blue ones.

“Morning, Adora. How are ya?” she asks.

“Fine,” Adora quickly comes up with. “Just getting in some practice before we start the day. You’re up early, though.”

Glimmer groans. “Mom wanted me up early for some reason. I don’t know for what but I was hoping to get some more sleep in.”

“You’ll get some more in eventually.” Adora walks up to the half asleep girl and starts patting down her soft hair. Adora loves running her fingers through Glimmer’s locks. She swears this is what it feels like to touch a cloud. Glimmer herself loves it as Adora plays with her hair. A soft sigh escapes her before resting her head on Adora’s chest.

“No, no. You’re not falling asleep on me while standing up again. Up!” Adora says. As much as she wouldn’t mind carrying a sleeping Glimmer around, if Angella has called it is important. Adora puts her hands on Glimmer’s shoulders and forces her to balance on her feet.

“Awwww. You’re no fun,” Glimmer replies.

“I love you too.” Adora gives a small kiss on Glimmer’s forehead. With her hands no longer shaking thanks to seeing her girlfriend, Adora locks her fingers with Glimmer’s and guides her to into the war meeting hall. Glimmer drags her feet all the way there. The two are the first ones in the large room and take their respective seats around the round table.

As they wait, Glimmer buries her face into her arms on the table and tries to get in some extra sleep. Bow appears after a few minutes, bright eyed and bushy tailed. He takes little notice to Glimmer passed out on the table. Nothing out of the ordinary. He starts up a conversation with Adora until Angella comes in. The second she appears, Adora nudges Glimmer in the side with her elbow. The princess snaps awake, making a slight noise in doing so. “I’m up, I’m up.”

“I hope you are. I don’t want you to miss any information,” Angella says as she approaches the table.

“I am, Mom. Don’t worry,” Glimmer says with a yawn. “What is it that you need anyway? Got some more intel on the Horde?”

“No, actually. There is a different mission for you three today.”

“What is it?” Bow asks.

Angella presses a button and a map appears on the table. She points to a lit up area on the hologram. “Some areas are having some low morale and are thinking of giving up to the Horde.”

“Why would they do that? Don’t they know they are evil?” Glimmer states.

“Yes but sometimes when you are at your breaking point and tired of fighting for so long, some might give in finally. If they see there is no way out and any hope is bleak, giving up and praying for leniency seems the best option for some. That is why I am sending you three there.

“You three can lift up their spirits. There is a lot of power in small action such as just showing your face to someone. I’m sure you all are aware of that.” The three nod in response. "Good. Now, off to. I wish you all well."

With that the three go to get ready. After battling the Horde yesterday, it is a nice breather to have. A simple mission, yes, but one of great importance. The less areas and people the Horde controls the better. Adora herself loves these undertakings. Nothing makes her feel better than seeing sparks of joy in others' eyes.

Any thoughts Adora had before about what occurred are gone. Between Glimmer nearly falling asleep on her, chatting with Bow, and having something to do for the rest of the day. There is no room for them with her excited thoughts about a morale booster. Nothing can go wrong by just cheering people up, right?

* * *

Climbing stinks. The town Angella sent the three to is nestled in a high, rocky, ridge. A hike to get to and a great area for an outpost or defenses. No wonder why it is vital that this place does not fall to the Horde’s clutches. They could use it for that and so much more. The townsfolk must know this if they are thinking about giving up. The Horde, while yet to reach the area, have been found close by. They are next. Even if being up here has its advantages, there are disadvantages as well. Such as having one narrow area, where they walk now, be the only route for supplies and travel.

Finally, after who knows how long, they reach the top. The town sits between the mountains valleys. There are patches of snow littered around, the spring thaw yet to fully reach the area. Pinetrees stand tall, guarding over the townsfolk who walk around the stony paths. Many have yet to notice the trio, who are still a distance away from the edge of the town. They go about their day, going in and out of buildings, watching their children run around, or just loitering around.

After catching their breaths after the long climb, the three enter the town. People stop whatever activity they are doing to stare at the unfamiliar faces. Rarely do visitors ever come here. They are a sight to see.

“Greetings!” Glimmer shouts. Always the first to get the ball rolling. “We are here from Brightmoon and come in the name of the Rebellion!”

“You three are from the rebellion? Like the ones that are fighting against the Horde?” someone asks.

“Yes. I’m Princess Glimmer, that is my friend Bow, and that over there is Adora. Or better known as She-ra.”

Eyes turn to Adora, who hides her face. She is still getting use to all the attention, especially when she is not being She-ra.

“Why are you here, though? The Horde hasn’t bothered us yet. They aren’t near, are they?” a different voice asks.

“No they aren’t. You don’t have to worry about them. At least not yet,” Bow says, stepping forward. “We are here to you know, lift your spirits up and show you that if you ever need us, the Rebellion is on your side ready to defend. Right, Adora?”

“Yeah,” Adora replies. She takes out her sword and turns into the legendary warrior princess. As to be expected, many townsfolk go wide eyed. Adora grins as she spins around her sword in her hands. “If the Horde ever gives you guys trouble, we will come and drive them off like we always do.”

People start to gather around the three, talking to them and asking them about how they are doing with the fight against the Horde. The three tell them about their victories and how they were able to keep Brightmoon standing with the help of the other princesses. Many are overjoyed to hear that the Horde finally is being driven back in some areas. Communication can be sporadic here.

They also talk about what has been going on. How everyone is worried that the Horde will come here next. They know that where they live makes it hard to reach but with no other defences other than the mountains and some people with fighting skills, they are still no match for the Horde. Knowing that the Rebellion is on their side and they will help them gives the townsfolk hope that they have lacked for some time now.

As the conversations and what nots go on, a group of kids come up to Adora. The clutter together, trying to push someone out of their group to talk. A young girl, maybe seven or eight, is the one who gets kicked out. She gives her friends a look before turning to Adora, sheepishly asking her if they can see her do some moves. Adora is more than happy to oblige.

The children squeal with joy and make a half circle around her. Adora takes a few steps back, making sure no one gets hurt. She takes a deep breath before spinning her sword around, showing off moves, and transforming it into a shield to show off to the kids.

She starts to smile, loving seeing their little faces light up when she hears something. Her name this time. Adora lifts her head up and looks around. Neither Bow nor Glimmer are trying to get her attention and the only ones who really have their eyes on her are the children. Adora shakes her head, thinking it is nothing and turns back to the kids.

“What do you want me to do next?” She asks.

The children think for a moment, wondering what they could ask of She-ra next. They start to spout out random ideas, Adora listening to all of them. But as they talk she finds herself starting to zone out, something she rarely ever does. Their voices, whatever they talk about, don’t stick in her mind. Instead, the sound of a whisper not from them enter her mind. She is squatting, being like eight feet tall can be scary to someone just over three feet tall, but now she starts to stand. The kids look up at her.

“What are you doing, Ms. She-ra?” one of them asks.

Adora blinks, not answering right away. It takes a moment for her to process the question and realize that she wasn’t fully there for a moment.

“I, uh…” Adora starts. She feels a headache coming on and presses the heel of her hand onto her head. “I think I just need to go for a walk for a moment. Sorry guys. We can play more later, okay?”

The group of children nod and run off to who knows. Once they are gone, Adora turns back to her own self and begins to walk off, trying to clear her head. But the thoughts from the early morning come racing back into her mind. She hadn’t even been in a fight, she didn’t even have adrenaline rushing through her, she wasn’t in any danger to make her body act out. Yet, it did. More so than last time. The spaciness didn’t help either.

It came on all of a sudden for no reason at all. The voice also. Is someone messing with her mind? Is somehow Shadow Weaver stalking her once more like when she went to Mystacor? Adora could have swore she pushed her away then and there but did she figure out a way to do it again. After all, Adora now knows she can mess with memories, who knows how else she can mess with one’s mind.

 _No. It’s nothing. You are overreacting. Just calm down,_ Adora tries to tell herself. But it doesn’t work. What was that saying again? How three times is a pattern? The day before her reacting to the soldier she didn’t know was there. This morning her saving herself when she had thought otherwise. And now, whatever the hell happened there by standing up and zoning out. This _i_ _sn’t_ normal.

“Adora? Adora, are you okay?”

She comes out of her thoughts and looks. Glimmer has found her. Worry is on her face. Adora takes a quick peak around. She didn’t pay attention to where she was walking and found herself in a secluded area.

“Adora?”

“I’m fine, Glimmer. I just needed some air, that’s all,” Adora reassures her, and herself.

“Your hands are shaking. Are you sure you are okay?”

Adora looks down. Sure enough, she is trembling. Adora squeezes them into tight fist. “I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

“Are you su--”

“I don’t want to talk about it! Alright? I’m fine.” she snaps. Adora quickly realizes her error when Glimmer puts her hands up.

“Okay. Okay. I won’t ask again.” Glimmer walks up to Adora and carefully undos her fist and holds her hand tight. Glimmer slowly rubs her thumb against Adora’s skin. “I was told that some townsfolk where going to make some food for us to try. You want to go check it out?”

Adora relaxes her shoulder. “Yeah. Sure.”

* * *

Adora lies awake, staring up at her ceiling, sleep nowhere in sight. The rest of the day at the town went okay. Somehow she managed to not turn back into She-ra. No one seemed to mind that much. The food that was served and Glimmer staying by her side to help ease her mind but now alone, everything is back in full force.

She flips over in her bed and looks at her sword laying at the end table. Seems so harmless right now. Adora swallows a lump in her throat. Should she? Just one more try to really see if she isn't losing her mind. As if all those times weren’t proof enough. But just one more time can’t hurt, can it? After some moments debate, Adora sits up and grabs her weapon. She walks to the center of her room and takes another moment to think. It is now or never. Adora shuts her eyes and whispers those five words. In a bright flash, she becomes She-ra once more.

Nothing happens. Adora stands there, listening to her own breathing, waiting for something to happen. She tosses her sword around in her hand, trying to get something to occur. Nothing. Maybe it really was all in her head. Though, that doesn’t quite undue the ball of nerves in the pit of her stomach. Adora tries moving around more. Still, nothing. Adora is about to sigh a breath of relief and go back to bed when she feels a headache coming on. She presses a hand on her head, trying to calm it. That is when she gets that funny, off feeling from before and hears something.

_Adora…_

Clear as day now the voice. She becomes so startled by the voice, eerily similar to her own, she jerks backwards, tripping over herself, and laying hard on the ground. She reverts back to her own self, too stunned to move.

“What the hell is happening to me?”

  
  



	3. Restless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of the bulk for now. Hopefully I can get the next bulk done kind of soon

Adora slowly sits up in her bed, barely having gotten any rest. Her anxiety runs rampant day in and day out. The past two nights she has slept five or six hours in total. Even then, she only finds herself having some sense of time passing. She has yet to fully fall asleep and ends up spending hours staring up at her ceiling, looking at her window, or pacing around her room until she could close her eyes again and repeat the cycle. 

Mornings have been better, or at least Adora hopes so. She’s still is getting up and doing whatever work she has to do. She’s still hanging out with Bow and Glimmer even if she wants to stay locked in her room. Though, she will admit, she isn’t as peppy as normal and stays lost in her thoughts when anyone is speaking. Adora has had to ask a few times for things to be repeated. She wonders if anyone is becoming suspicious.

Adora wraps her arms around her legs, pulling them tight against her chest. She can’t stop thinking about what is happening to her. Adora still wonders if Shadow Weaver has any part in this but that doesn’t make much sense. Honestly knowing her former caretaker, she just would have wiped her mind or done something right away to take her back, not make her scared and confused. Shadow Weaver wants control and this does not feel like her doing.

Maybe it could be something similar to Entrapta's infection? That still doesn't feel right though. She can only recall a little bit as her time in "berserk" mode. Thanks to Glimmer she wasn't in it for long. The only thing she can fully recall is pure anger and hatred sweeping over her. After that, "Drunk Adora", as Glimmer and Bow put it, she remembers better. She was out of it and everything felt like a dream. Similar to this, yes, but she still felt in some control of her body. Nothing like this. Gods, this is confusing.

The only thing Adora knows for sure is that this is somehow connected to She-ra. After all, every time this has occurred she  _ was  _ her. In the days since being just Adora, none of the weirdness has happened. The only answer that makes sense at the moment is that this is all connected to the sword she picked months ago.

Adora knows that she will have to turn into the mythical warrior princess again. She has to. She  _ has t _ o protect Etheria and all its’ inhabitants. She-ra is the only way to do that. Adora doesn’t want to stop helping people, she wants to bring peace and stop the Horde. She can only go so far as herself. Even then, how can she do anything, She-ra or not, when she has no idea what is going on? It will only be a matter of time before she will have to become her again, then what? That fills Adora with even more anxiety, waiting.

Maybe she should talk to Light Hope. If anyone has an answer to her plight, she would. Adora just has to find the time to go there and talk to her. Hopefully she will give her a straight answer. Adora is not in the mood to try and figure out a riddle or piece things together.

After some more moments of sitting on her bed doing nothing, Adora gets up and ready for the day. She knows that Glimmer is going to start pestering her if she doesn’t leave soon. It already is “late” by Adora’s standards.  _ I can’t let her know. I can’t worry her or Bow either. I’ll go to Light Hope, ask her what is wrong, and figure it out and be back to normal. There is a lot on everyone’s plate. They don’t need to worry. _

Adora throws on her jacket, tightening the belt at her stomach, and quickly does up her hair. Once she is set, she heads out for breakfast. By now, most everyone is up. Adora sluggishly makes her way down to the dining hall. She passes some guards who go about their usual smile and wave greeting to her. Adora manages to lift up her hand in reply and give a small smile. She notices one guard tilt her head as she walks by. Quickly, Adora straightens up and attempts to emit some more energy.  _ No one  _ can know.

Finally she reaches the dining hall doors. Pushing them open, Adora finds Glimmer and Bow already at the table, eating. They both snap their heads up when they hear her enter.

“You’re late,” Glimmer says right away.

Adora grabs a plate of food and sits down next to her. “Couldn’t sleep last night.”

“You going to be okay? You honestly look like you haven’t slept in days and you were a  _ little  _ off yesterday,” Bow adds on.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. Just some sleepless nights, that’s all.”

Adora smiles at them, hoping they believe her. Bow and Glimmer exchange a look but say nothing else. Adora starts to eat some of the still warm bread. Even if she can’t sleep, at least she will have food in her system to keep her going.

Bow and Glimmer go back to talking to each other, taking the cue from Adora. Adora listens in on their conversation as she eats. Apparently she had missed Angella giving them word about yet another incursion by the Horde.  _ Great. Hopefully I didn’t miss anything else,  _ she thinks. As per usual, they are expected to go out and deal with the matter before it becomes worse. Guess Light Hope is going to have to wait another day.

But that also means finally turning back into She-ra. Adora wonders if weird things are going to happen again. Part of herself tells her it has been days and maybe all she needed was not to be She-ra for a bit. The other part, the one she knows that is right, knows that is a lie. Suddenly, Adora’s appetite disappears. She swallows the last bit of food in her mouth before pushing her plate aside.

“When are we leaving?” she asks.

“Soon as everyone is ready, I guess," Glimmer replies.

“Okay. I just want to wash up a little bit more and then I’ll be set.”

Adora gets up and starts to leave. She barely makes it out the door and into the hallway when she hears footsteps and feels Glimmer grab her wrist. Adora stops in her tracks.

“Are you  _ sure _  you are okay? You have seemed a little off every since we got back from that town. Like you’ve been on edge. Is the Horde worrying you a lot again?” Glimmer asks.

Adora looks down at Glimmer. The smaller girl stares back at her, concern in her eyes. She’s still holding onto her promise about not pushing. Adora sighs. She hates keeping anything from Glimmer but she still wants to wait until she has more answers. Though, Glimmer isn’t wrong about the Horde. They always are a consistent worry.

“Yes and no. It’s...complicated. I just have a lot on my mind and I’m just...trying to figure stuff out,” Adora answers.

“You still don’t want to talk about it, do you?”

“No.”

“You know that you don’t have to do things on your own. We are here for you.”

“I know. Just trust me.”

Glimmer narrows her eyes. She knows that face. The one of not believing what is being said. Adora hopes that she doesn’t change her mind and try to figure out what is bothering her. However, Glimmer ends up placing a small kiss on Adora’s hand. “Okay. But please, Adora, come to me if you need help.” Glimmer lets go of her girlfriend. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”

Adora is left to her own devices. She returns to her room and into the adjacent bathroom. Just a quick wash up, a splash on her face to wake her up, is all she needs. Just a moment to collect her thoughts and put herself together. She shuts the door behind her and locks it.

Adora lets the cold water run for a moment before cupping her hand under it. A small pool of forms in her palms. She throws it up to her face and repeats the process a few times before turning the tap off. That is when she finally looks at herself in the mirror. Her eyes give away a sense of tiredness and dark bags are forming under them. She notices some hair strands that failed to be tied back. It looks like she could collapse at any moment. Adora isn't one to swear a lot but she won't lie when she tells herself she looks like shit.  _ You really need to pull yourself together.  _

Adora splashes one more pool of water on her face before fixing her hair. She enters her room and pauses at her bed. Her sword stares back at her, waiting to be picked up. Waiting to be used again. Adora hesitates grabbing it before doing so. It has become heavy. Before leaving she also grabs the sharp dagger she stole from the armory that sleeps under her pillow and stuffs it into her utility belt. Not much but if stuff happens, she can always fall back on this not to mess with her.

_ You'll be fine. You won't need this. Just stay relaxed,  _ she repeats over and over until she meets up with Bow and Glimmer in the front of the castle. Together they head off for a hopefully quick and easy mission.

During their walk, Bow and Glimmer keep their attention on Adora. More specifically, they talk to her, telling her random stories. Ones about this area of Etheria, or about some odd memory they recall, or even just poking fun at the other and their story. Adora can't help but chuckle at it. She knows what they are trying to do. It helps. So much so, she starts joining in on the fun. Times passes by quickly as they laugh together.

Soon, they reach their destination. Today's objective is to rid a forested area of robots and a handful of soldiers. They are scouts, scanning the area for any good spot to start tearing down the flora and kicking out fauna to make who knows what. The three are careful as they walk. No one has noticed them yet. Adora takes a peek from around the tree she hides behind, getting a quick survey. Doesn't seem like it will be hard to handle. Maybe there will be no need for She-ra.

"You guys deal with the robots. I'll handle the soldiers," Adora says. Before anyone can protest, she scurries off. She sneaks close behind one who is off by themselves. Quickly, she grabs them, pulls them back, and knocks them out. She looks behind her. Everyone is still going about their day. Good.

Adora manages to disarm one more soldier before an arrow flies out of the thicket and hits a robot, causing it to explode. Now the cover is blown. Adora doesn't hesitate to show herself to the others. They come at her but she knows their moves. She easily out maneuvers them. One attempts to hit her with a blunt weapon. Adora quickly reaches for her dagger and blocks before kicking them to the ground.

"Adora, look out!" Glimmer shouts.

Adora looks up and sees the metal claw of a robot high above her. She jumps out of the way just as it comes down.

"Why aren't you She-ra yet? I would have thought you'd be by now," Glimmer asks.

"I...I just wanted to do something a little different today," Adora quickly answers. She reaches for her sword, not knowing what else to say to Glimmer.  _ Here goes nothing. _

Transformed, Adora takes out the robot that nearly hit her. More start to surround her. One by one, Adora dodges and cuts them down. She starts to lose herself in the fight. Starts to lose herself and just swings without emotion.

Adora grabs the side of her head, pulls herself out of a haze. She's not doing this again. She won't allow it. Adora turns her attention to another robot and charges after it. She attempts to cut it down but it quickly blocks her attack and pushes her back.

_ You shouldn't do that,  _ the voice inside her head says.

Adora grits her teeth, ignoring the thought. She charges again. This time she jumps up and lands on the robot. She shoves her sword through its metal skin. It starts to jerk about, trying to throw Adora off.

_ This is reckless,  _ the voice speaks again.

"Shut up!" Adora growls. She struggles to keep the sword in as a force attempts to pull it out. She won't let whatever is happening to her win. She can't lose control. Not to Shadow Weaver or some infection or anything like that. She refs--

" _ ADORA!"  _ Glimmer's scream fills the air.

Adora looks up in time to see something coming at her. The next moment, a hard, cold, heavy object hits her and sends her flying. Adora slams into a large tree full force. She bounces off of it and lands on the ground with a hard thud. The attack was not only strong enough to change her back but to knock the wind out of her. She lays there, gasping for breath and feeling pain spread all over her body.

"Shit, Adora!" Glimmer says. She races to Adora's side and helps her sits up. "Are you okay?"

Adora can barely nod as she has a coughing fit. She feels something wet on her forehead and reaches up. Her fingertips come back red.

"It's doesn't look too bad. Just a scratch. But gods, Adora, that was a hard hit. What happened?"

"I'm fine," Adora coughs out. She takes a deep breath, regaining slow control of her lungs.

Bow shows up, having gotten rid of the last couple robots. The second he sees the wound on Adora's head, he digs into his pocket and pulls out a bandage. A temporary fix until she can be checked out at the castle. Together with Glimmer, he helps Adora to her feet. Adora winces all the way up.

"Sorry. Can you walk?" Bow asks.

"Yeah...Yeah I think I can. I'm just sore," Adora replies. She takes a step and groans. "Okay, maybe I need some help."

"I'll keep guard," Bow says. He helps adjust Adora so Glimmer can help her walk. The three slowly and carefully make their way back home. They stay silent for most of the way there, the only sound are created by their feet and painful noises from Adora.

“You never answered my question, Adora. What happened back there?” Glimmer whispers to Adora.

“Hm?” Adora thinks for a moment. She feels like she actually could sleep. Every ounce of energy she had has been sapped. “I’m sorry, Glimmer. I don’t feel like talking. I’m really really tired.”

Glimmer gives her a quick look over. “Alright. But don’t think you’re off the hook.”

* * *

Glimmer’s bed is nice and soft. While she still prefers her harder firm bed, it is not as comfortable when you have been thrown into a tree. The few nurses at Brightmoon castle both used some magic and gave her some sort of medicine to ease the ache. Nothing is broken or anything, just going to be sore for a couple days. The cut on her head has been left alone. Glimmer was right that it was nothing serious and it is better to let that heal on its own.

Adora managed to sleep for about and hour or so afterwards. It has helped a bit. However, she finds herself back at staring at the ceiling. She tries to close her eyes but nothing happens no matter how hard she tries. Adora flips over in Glimmer’s bed, hissing when her body protests the movement. She needs something new to look at.

That is when she feels a weight behind her. Adora lifts her head to look up and see sparkles fade out from around Glimmer. “How are you feeling?” she asks.

Adora slowly sits up to get a better look. “I’ll be alright. Took a small nap.”

“That’s good. Let me fix your bangs,” Glimmer informs Adora. Adora nods, letting Glimmer tucks some strains of dark blonde locks behind her ear. Her fingers brush past the white dressing on her forehead. “Are you rested enough to tell me what happened?”

Adora sighs, not knowing what to say. What can she say when she has no answers herself. Adora gulps before she says something. “I don’t really know. I...Again, it’s complicated I just...She-ra stuff.”

“She-ra stuff?”

“I was thinking of going to see and talk to Light Hope tomorrow. But everything will be fine. Trust me.”

“As long as you figure out whatever is bothering you. I don’t like seeing you this way. Don’t forget I am here if you need to talk.”

“I know. I’m sorry I’m not. It’s just, I don’t know.”

Glimmer takes a deep breath and lies down on the bed next to her. “It’s late anyway. Get some more rest, go see Light Hope, and we can talk more tomorrow. I love you, Adora,” she says before nuzzling up against Adora.

“I love you too, Glimmer. Goodnight,” Adora replies.

Glimmer falls asleep easily. Adora watches the steady rise and fall of her chest and listens to her mummers. She wishes she could join her but that is impossible. Tomorrow, she’ll get the answers she wants.


End file.
